So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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