Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Help. Why am I so naked?
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