we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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