On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
