if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
