If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
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