Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
splinters make it hard to masturbate
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
