I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
