my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
