Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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