The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
