I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
