Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We have started to decorate penises.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
