I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
