jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
