i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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