I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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