Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
