He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
