That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im six kinds of drunk right now
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
