matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
