You work out of a Hotel?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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