I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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