YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
