I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
