i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
