maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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