Sacagawea was the original milf.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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