Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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