I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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