I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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