new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
