I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
