i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
