??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have feelings that need drinking.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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