he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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