In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
where are my eyebrows?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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