You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
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the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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