Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
