yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
