I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
