You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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