he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
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was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
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I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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