he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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