First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
