well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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