My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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