chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
