i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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