FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
