Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
