Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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