I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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