Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He felt like a one man threesome
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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