I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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