I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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