we made out on top of his cat.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
