JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
